on forgiveness

The whole world has just been astounded on the power of forgiveness by Erika Kirk releasing it over her husband’s assassinator. What a gift of mercy. This seems to have turned a tide for our culture- to celebrate the power of forgiveness. It is truly divine.

I never realized the importance forgiveness plays into living a truly free life until I experienced real pain. The kind of pain that torments and doesn’t let you stop crying or think straight for days or weeks. The kind that leaves you completely inconsolable and convinced you’re crazy.

But forgiveness is necessary. And it’s much more a gift to you than it is to the offender. Forgiveness is not forgetting. It’s not even excusing, dismissing, or negating the truth of what happened. Forgiveness is releasing. It is not holding the offender responsible for accounts lost. It is letting go of the need to be repaid from the offender. I used to practice forgiveness exercises with my therapy kids all the time. Not because I wanted them to forget and quickly be healed, but because I knew how valuable it was for their health and growth. Anger, rage, fear, shame, wanting to get vindication-is all normal.

But forgiveness is quite honestly the most powerful weapon we can wield in a healing process.

It stands against any abuse, any betrayal, and trauma and lets the vindication in the hands of a perfectly capable God who cares deeply about the mistreatment of people.

And it is a process. And that’s ok. It takes time to unwind the negative thoughts that come about people and ourselves and the world when we experience pain. It’s a process of unwinding assumptions that come about ourselves from those experiences. And that’s also ok.

Here are some practical tips in a forgiveness process:

TALK ABOUT IT. Therapy, a safe trusted friend, your mom. Whatever it takes. Don’t stuff it.

EXERCISE. Nothing is more powerful in our brains healing from trauma than 20 minutes/3 times a week of exercise that gets your heart rate up.

PRACTICE GRATITUDE. Even if it genuinely feels like there is nothing beautiful to celebrate. Notice 3 things in your world that you are thankful for. My car turned on today. My friend’s 2 year old smiled at me. My coffee was hot. Sometimes it’s just the little things.

I am so genuinely inspired by the legacy Charlie Kirk left and that Erika is creating.

And I can’t wait to see what forgiveness writes in this story.